If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
