omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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