i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
