I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
