She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize