Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
