You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
