lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
