What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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