I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
