he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
