I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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