I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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