I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just threw up on my dentist
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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