Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
