I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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