You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
