he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
