wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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