Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
