so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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