Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.

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(630): View more from Illinois

he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"

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(904): View more from Florida

The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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(770): View more from Georgia

Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.

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(519): View more from Ontario

The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..

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(407): View more from Florida

Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.

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