and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize