Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
