My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
