her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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