In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
