Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
