Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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