you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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