is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
