Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
