I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
