He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
