My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize