I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
