puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
