If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
