I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
pop tarts are not kleenex
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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