I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize