If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
