just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
