Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
