At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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