i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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