cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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