Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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