In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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