just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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