I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
