every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
