Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize