I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
