"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she peed on how many people?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
