I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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