i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
