Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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