Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
