Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize