I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
