your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
