This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
