i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish i was in the wii world.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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