You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
