Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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