Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
