I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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