Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
