you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
