I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just invented taco cereal.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
