obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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