so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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